Some days are harder than others

Today was one of those days where I just wish that my outside matched my insides. That being trans is just difficult. I just felt like an unattractive butch looking woman today. But I am battling onwards. Taking each day. One day at a time. I risk so much with this, but NOT following this through isn't really an option. It's only temporary. It won't last forever. One day I will get to wake up and go through my day seen and treated as the man that I am, and be loved as a man. It feels like a million miles away right now, but I know that if I just follow this road through that I can get there. I have resisted transition so many times. So many times I was thrown into a dysphoric panic, questioning myself, and decided not to transition. Really? Where as it got me? I hoped that it would go away, that I could be the role that everyone wanted me to be. It didn't make me happy. I took that road. And now I walk the road less travelled with the conviction that it must lead to something better.