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1) Just been looking at some bloke's early knife making attempts. My thought. My scouts have done better designing their knives.
2) Well one step forward one step back with getting my fiance to accept this me. He is making some small attempt to understand. He's not being as dismissive anymore, which is good.
A month or so ago he pretty much freaked out when I showed him my cock (the one that lives in a drawer waiting for me to see my girlfriend again), and I didn't even have it on. Last night, he was actually able to talk and we even had a laugh about it. He wants me to not get rid of my breasts, and not have stuff below the waist. I haven't told him that binding can cause the break down of breast tissue but he actually even asked me how much it would cost for me to get a binder.
I'm not rocking the boat by talking permanent physical changes yet. I've lived with this body for 25 years. My breasts have been growing since I was about 9 (and will they ever stop!?). So despite being rather unattached to the breasts and all, it's something I can live with for a while longer. I'm still not sure I'd want to physically transition at all, not because I don't want to change my body, but because I hate arguing with doctors, injections, and it would be make or break with my fiance. But I think he could handle me occasionally binding and such like. Which is progress.
I got thinking recently about how part of me wishes that I hadn't been so shy as a child, and had been able to say to my mum that I wanted to stay on the puberty blocker for longer. But I wanted then what I want now - as normal a life as possible.
I can't obviously. I don't know there's anything about me normal. Above average intelligence, below average height, I'm queer both in my sexuality and my gender, and I am in love with more than one person.
I also realised (did I blog about this already?) that I have been trying for years to learn how to be female. I tried for years to hide being trans (even though part of that was not naming how I felt). Yee gods I went to an all girls school for three years. I learnt how to, I don't know, get by as a woman. Make the lie convincing enough. And I said to my fiance (although he confessed to not understanding) that I had spent so long trying and learning to be a woman that I hadn't really learnt to be a bloke, and hence why whilst I say that in my head I'm a bloke and not a woman I don't always act it. And to be honest - I look at some blokes and wonder whether I want to be like them anyway.
Funny story. In my tiny little village we have a local little newsletter thing. And the editor has a collumn in it. And she always uses it to rant about something. And she made this lovely little sexist comment about how men fall ill with colds at the drop of a hat but women don't. We fell about laughing. Currently I am dealing with a cold I picked up at the drop of a hat whilst he is still fit as a fiddle. This is not the first time we've fitted the opposite stereotype either. He is a straight cisgendered male, but he is in touch with his feminine side.
Right, must stop watching Two/Jamie vids on youtube. Lost yesterday afternoon reading a webcomic, can't lose a morning to Two/Jamie.
2) Well one step forward one step back with getting my fiance to accept this me. He is making some small attempt to understand. He's not being as dismissive anymore, which is good.
A month or so ago he pretty much freaked out when I showed him my cock (the one that lives in a drawer waiting for me to see my girlfriend again), and I didn't even have it on. Last night, he was actually able to talk and we even had a laugh about it. He wants me to not get rid of my breasts, and not have stuff below the waist. I haven't told him that binding can cause the break down of breast tissue but he actually even asked me how much it would cost for me to get a binder.
I'm not rocking the boat by talking permanent physical changes yet. I've lived with this body for 25 years. My breasts have been growing since I was about 9 (and will they ever stop!?). So despite being rather unattached to the breasts and all, it's something I can live with for a while longer. I'm still not sure I'd want to physically transition at all, not because I don't want to change my body, but because I hate arguing with doctors, injections, and it would be make or break with my fiance. But I think he could handle me occasionally binding and such like. Which is progress.
I got thinking recently about how part of me wishes that I hadn't been so shy as a child, and had been able to say to my mum that I wanted to stay on the puberty blocker for longer. But I wanted then what I want now - as normal a life as possible.
I can't obviously. I don't know there's anything about me normal. Above average intelligence, below average height, I'm queer both in my sexuality and my gender, and I am in love with more than one person.
I also realised (did I blog about this already?) that I have been trying for years to learn how to be female. I tried for years to hide being trans (even though part of that was not naming how I felt). Yee gods I went to an all girls school for three years. I learnt how to, I don't know, get by as a woman. Make the lie convincing enough. And I said to my fiance (although he confessed to not understanding) that I had spent so long trying and learning to be a woman that I hadn't really learnt to be a bloke, and hence why whilst I say that in my head I'm a bloke and not a woman I don't always act it. And to be honest - I look at some blokes and wonder whether I want to be like them anyway.
Funny story. In my tiny little village we have a local little newsletter thing. And the editor has a collumn in it. And she always uses it to rant about something. And she made this lovely little sexist comment about how men fall ill with colds at the drop of a hat but women don't. We fell about laughing. Currently I am dealing with a cold I picked up at the drop of a hat whilst he is still fit as a fiddle. This is not the first time we've fitted the opposite stereotype either. He is a straight cisgendered male, but he is in touch with his feminine side.
Right, must stop watching Two/Jamie vids on youtube. Lost yesterday afternoon reading a webcomic, can't lose a morning to Two/Jamie.
