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So I haven't checked this journal for a bit. Had other stuff to do.
Said goodbye to best friend night before he left for the gambia. That was wednesday, today (saturday) is probably the first day that I haven't felt like crying about it. It's all not been helped by my 96 year old grandmother having another fall and having to go in for anotehr hip replacement. My sister told me after the car accident in december that she's pregnant again (her second and apparently the last). I learnt yesterday that it's another boy (well boy bits are there anyway). Both pieces of news are stuff that I would talk to him about. So yeah, adding to the desire (and sometimes actual) to cry. I miss him like crazy.
Our last couple of conversations were a little stilted, I think because neither of us wanted to be out of contact for 2 months. Our very last conversation - he was rushing around and was excited, so I got that feeling less. BUt hey - trip of a lifetime, he should have been excited. But so far every morning I wake up and think of him. I didn't realise how many times the thought runs through my mind "I'll have to tell ... that", despite the fact that it can sometimes be a couple of weeks between speaking, and I've seen him twice in 3 years.
SO umm, transitioning stuff. This journal isn't for whining about my feelings for my best friend.
Another period. Less mental weirdness with it. Although this time - randy as all hell. For women.
And today I had a job assessment. Well I wore trousers and pretty/smart top. Feminine. And I found myself mentally designing skirts for me to make myself to wear. And I realised something. I usually wear trousers to save on freakout when it jumps out and bites me, but I don't think that they're any less likely to cause freakout than a skirt, so I should just sort out some skirts for job clothes when I get there. Because I like to look nice sometimes, and it feels like skirts look nicer. And smarter.
Flip side? The reason for this realisation? Because I nearly did a happy dance when I got home and could (thank the gods for the sunshine) don my boyish shorts and jumper bought from the blokes section of primark. Then donned my boots and went out in the sunshine with my hound. Any kind of smart clothes feels odd, so why not wear a skirt to smart stuff like interviews and work?
Girlfriend is having murder mystery party for her birthday in the summer. Because she's wonderful, I'm presuming that she will already have figured that I want to be able to crossdress for this. I rather hoping that I can sort out the money that would allow me to go rather whole hogish about it. Possibly bind or pack or both. Yes I'll be surrounded by friends who don't know and my girlfriend's family. I cares not. Because it's "fancydress" anyway. And because she'll be there and another friend who knows.
Must go make dinner now for tired sighing boyfriend now. I miss craig.
Said goodbye to best friend night before he left for the gambia. That was wednesday, today (saturday) is probably the first day that I haven't felt like crying about it. It's all not been helped by my 96 year old grandmother having another fall and having to go in for anotehr hip replacement. My sister told me after the car accident in december that she's pregnant again (her second and apparently the last). I learnt yesterday that it's another boy (well boy bits are there anyway). Both pieces of news are stuff that I would talk to him about. So yeah, adding to the desire (and sometimes actual) to cry. I miss him like crazy.
Our last couple of conversations were a little stilted, I think because neither of us wanted to be out of contact for 2 months. Our very last conversation - he was rushing around and was excited, so I got that feeling less. BUt hey - trip of a lifetime, he should have been excited. But so far every morning I wake up and think of him. I didn't realise how many times the thought runs through my mind "I'll have to tell ... that", despite the fact that it can sometimes be a couple of weeks between speaking, and I've seen him twice in 3 years.
SO umm, transitioning stuff. This journal isn't for whining about my feelings for my best friend.
Another period. Less mental weirdness with it. Although this time - randy as all hell. For women.
And today I had a job assessment. Well I wore trousers and pretty/smart top. Feminine. And I found myself mentally designing skirts for me to make myself to wear. And I realised something. I usually wear trousers to save on freakout when it jumps out and bites me, but I don't think that they're any less likely to cause freakout than a skirt, so I should just sort out some skirts for job clothes when I get there. Because I like to look nice sometimes, and it feels like skirts look nicer. And smarter.
Flip side? The reason for this realisation? Because I nearly did a happy dance when I got home and could (thank the gods for the sunshine) don my boyish shorts and jumper bought from the blokes section of primark. Then donned my boots and went out in the sunshine with my hound. Any kind of smart clothes feels odd, so why not wear a skirt to smart stuff like interviews and work?
Girlfriend is having murder mystery party for her birthday in the summer. Because she's wonderful, I'm presuming that she will already have figured that I want to be able to crossdress for this. I rather hoping that I can sort out the money that would allow me to go rather whole hogish about it. Possibly bind or pack or both. Yes I'll be surrounded by friends who don't know and my girlfriend's family. I cares not. Because it's "fancydress" anyway. And because she'll be there and another friend who knows.
Must go make dinner now for tired sighing boyfriend now. I miss craig.
