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I was with one of the new guys at the Laurels. It was an hour long. I expected to have to reharsh much of the stuff that I'd rehashed in previous appointments about why I think I'm trans. I was expecting to have to rehash traumatic stuff and feel rather shit at the end of it.

I was pleasantly surprised. I mean, I did have to rehash about my childhood. I did have to talk about the depression and relive some shit things. But we didn't dwell on them. I also got asked about how far I'd gotten and where i wanted things to go.  Which was expected . . . but still nice considering he didn't seem to think less of me for saying that I'm not interested in making a decision about surgery on my genitals until I've explored how I feel after hormones and chest surgery.

The really surprising thing was that he recognised that I have been sliding into role. Having described how I had recently done my deedpoll, spoken to my manager, how I have been formulating plans for coming out with my manager, how all my friends have started to use my new name and new pronouns, my family know and are supportive . . . he said he felt that I was pretty much starting my real life experience nowish. I need to get my deedpoll back from my mum (I was using her address for it to be returned because I don't trust our post atm) so I can carry on getting my documents changed and take it with me next time. Work is the final hurdle and one way or another I'm coming out there in a couple of weeks time. It would be next week if my manager wasn't away. I can't keep using my old name on paperwork, it's getting really frustrating. It's less about talking to customers and more about writing out that old name.

So housemove tomorrow and then I need to go clothes shopping soon.
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So today I have a routine check up with my GP about my anti-depressants. And I get there and she asks me whether I'm excited about my appointment on friday. Guh? She had on my notes a scan of a letter from the clinic saying that I have an appointment on friday. News to me, I haven't had this letter from them. I copy the details of the letter down. My GP notices that there was a form included with the letter so i figure that I'd call the clinic after my GP appointment so that I can figure out getting them to send me another copy.

So I phone the clinic. And first of all they struggle to find my details. Then try and tell me that the appointment was last week. And then offer me the same slot in the letter. And then confirm that they have my address right (not sure that they're telling the truth, and clearly they've never been told you NEVER confirm an address over the phone). All of this involves me being on hold a few times, and a total of nearly 6 minutes (which is a long call, I should know). By the time that they're done offering me the same appointment that the letter had offered me - I'm off the phone and then realise that I have no idea whether they're going to resend me the form or not. I'm guessing not. I really hope, since the original letter said to bring the form with to my appointment, that it wasn't something that will prevent my appointment going through because that will really piss me off. Because I got my deedpoll returned to my mother's address so I won't be able to take it into my appointment. All that effort and pretty much nothing to show for it come the appointment. Well, I have a cheque in my new name which has been used. I guess that's SOME evidence of having used my new name.

Trying to remind myself not to get too eager. It's still going to be a slow process. And to be honest at the moment I have too much else on my plate, I can't make more changes than I already have because of everything else. They're on hold until I have completed at least ONE house move. (got my car back todat) But you know, please be excited for me.

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meegosh

July 2011

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