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Hormones fuelled
Aug. 2nd, 2010 10:24 pmIt's not T Vixen. And I'm still suffering from the feminine hormones. I haven't started shedding yet but my brain is still caving from the hormones. Some of it is stuff that sounds silly even in my head, let alone written down, but I'm going to try and write it anyway because this is my space for being brutally honest.
The female hormones can sometimes, and now is one of them, make me very randy and also have bizarre pregnancy dreams. Problem is the dysphoria both of those bring. I had an awesome, validating, weekend and today walked into work feeling sadly feminine. Shame is what it all brings. The dreams, the dysphoria, the inability to hold thoughts in my head when my brain is caving with the hormones. I feel dysphoric, shame, and well depths of shame that makes for self-harm fantasies. Don't worry, I'm not likely to actually hurt myself any time soon, just like I'm not about to go and get pregnant.
I've been counting down to seeing folks for the summer meet-up on facebook, but I'm also counting days from when my GP referred me to the psych. I might be drowning some sorrows over the weekend knowing that I will need to call my GP next monday.
Right, bed time.
The female hormones can sometimes, and now is one of them, make me very randy and also have bizarre pregnancy dreams. Problem is the dysphoria both of those bring. I had an awesome, validating, weekend and today walked into work feeling sadly feminine. Shame is what it all brings. The dreams, the dysphoria, the inability to hold thoughts in my head when my brain is caving with the hormones. I feel dysphoric, shame, and well depths of shame that makes for self-harm fantasies. Don't worry, I'm not likely to actually hurt myself any time soon, just like I'm not about to go and get pregnant.
I've been counting down to seeing folks for the summer meet-up on facebook, but I'm also counting days from when my GP referred me to the psych. I might be drowning some sorrows over the weekend knowing that I will need to call my GP next monday.
Right, bed time.
