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Transition checklist
Feb. 1st, 2010 08:15 pmIn the last 24 hours an almost checklist has formed in my mind. This I will be and pass through before I seek complete full time transition. One of them, come out to my friends, has taken place. And I'm left with a few things that I think have some order in my head. I am beginning to see some of the steps ahead of me that I must pass before I can take bigger steps.
One of those little steps is that I must make amends with my sister. She's a bitch and has hurt me so much for so long. My father so often tells me to forgive and forget, but I really think things have moved past that. I took a step back from my sister haven't really spoken to her for 7 months or something like that. But I do also know that no matter how much my sister and I don't like or understand each other - we do love each other and will always be there when the other needs us. So I do owe it to my sister to attempt to make amends so we can be on the best terms possibly before I tell her about my transition. I have faith that she won't react badly, at least not for long. For years she came out with some really bi-phobic shit and did a quick turn around when she learnt that I was bi. She actually said sorry for having said those things now she knew better. So I hate her, but I love and trust her too. Okay so most of the time I trust her to hurt me, but not over things like this. She's too petty for that.
I can see how things steamroller when it comes to transition now too. After the positive responses yesterday I feel much more able to now think about starting to talk to my family. Okay, so I'm less sure of the next steps than I was about 3 hours ago, but my brain hurts and I need an early night. I don't feel so isolated now. Funnily I didn;t feel isolated before, but I do feel less so now. And Dave's making more of an effort now he knows more people know. Once again I don't know what this means for our relationship but there's nothing especially making me worry at the moment.
One of those little steps is that I must make amends with my sister. She's a bitch and has hurt me so much for so long. My father so often tells me to forgive and forget, but I really think things have moved past that. I took a step back from my sister haven't really spoken to her for 7 months or something like that. But I do also know that no matter how much my sister and I don't like or understand each other - we do love each other and will always be there when the other needs us. So I do owe it to my sister to attempt to make amends so we can be on the best terms possibly before I tell her about my transition. I have faith that she won't react badly, at least not for long. For years she came out with some really bi-phobic shit and did a quick turn around when she learnt that I was bi. She actually said sorry for having said those things now she knew better. So I hate her, but I love and trust her too. Okay so most of the time I trust her to hurt me, but not over things like this. She's too petty for that.
I can see how things steamroller when it comes to transition now too. After the positive responses yesterday I feel much more able to now think about starting to talk to my family. Okay, so I'm less sure of the next steps than I was about 3 hours ago, but my brain hurts and I need an early night. I don't feel so isolated now. Funnily I didn;t feel isolated before, but I do feel less so now. And Dave's making more of an effort now he knows more people know. Once again I don't know what this means for our relationship but there's nothing especially making me worry at the moment.
