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Bound and packed.
Aug. 4th, 2009 09:30 pmIn the safety of my own home, without so much as the boyfriend there. Temporary measures, I'll be waiting for pay day so I can get round to ordering myself a proper binder. Walked the dog bound.
These steps are scarily easier than I was expecting. Only problem is that I look at myself in the mirror and still see the breasts. Only surgery is going to help, this I know. But still no GP appointment. There was something very very odd about it really. Like some part of me can't completely switch off or let go of the woman side. It's like I'm crying out for boy bits whilst the actual thought of being a boy is still alien and strange and not terribly welcome.
Read/worked through a booklet in training today about diversity. Did you know that by law my trans status can not come out at work IF I am planning on/having/ or have had SRS? And my girl name has already been shorted into the male form without my encouragement. People just did it. (joke) Now just to convince them that actually I'm Henry . . .
Had a fantastic chat with my best friend last night. It included more discussion back to the time when we were a couple. Or just after really. I feel I know him a bit better. Plus I think I can now explain to boyfriend why he should never feel threatened by him ever again (threatened about losing me that is).
Anyway, I really need to get some sleep. Nothing ready for tomorrow but at least I don't have to leave the house until quarter past eight in the morning. Plenty of time to do stuff.
PS I was starting to feel that maybe my brain was fabricating my trans status because I had too much time to think. I've now been working for a week and can say that it's not true. Afterall, I am home this evening and felt compelled to be bound and packed. At least with this job saving for one of those fantastic german pack and pee prostetics with foreskin isn't so impossible. Anyway, bed time.
These steps are scarily easier than I was expecting. Only problem is that I look at myself in the mirror and still see the breasts. Only surgery is going to help, this I know. But still no GP appointment. There was something very very odd about it really. Like some part of me can't completely switch off or let go of the woman side. It's like I'm crying out for boy bits whilst the actual thought of being a boy is still alien and strange and not terribly welcome.
Read/worked through a booklet in training today about diversity. Did you know that by law my trans status can not come out at work IF I am planning on/having/ or have had SRS? And my girl name has already been shorted into the male form without my encouragement. People just did it. (joke) Now just to convince them that actually I'm Henry . . .
Had a fantastic chat with my best friend last night. It included more discussion back to the time when we were a couple. Or just after really. I feel I know him a bit better. Plus I think I can now explain to boyfriend why he should never feel threatened by him ever again (threatened about losing me that is).
Anyway, I really need to get some sleep. Nothing ready for tomorrow but at least I don't have to leave the house until quarter past eight in the morning. Plenty of time to do stuff.
PS I was starting to feel that maybe my brain was fabricating my trans status because I had too much time to think. I've now been working for a week and can say that it's not true. Afterall, I am home this evening and felt compelled to be bound and packed. At least with this job saving for one of those fantastic german pack and pee prostetics with foreskin isn't so impossible. Anyway, bed time.
