meegosh: (kestor)

meegosh's Journal

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Created on 2011-07-27 19:44:52 (#936132), last updated 2011-07-29 (320 weeks ago)

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I don't know what I originally intended this journal for, but it has become something of my record of my transition, and for anything I wish to say about myself away from my main journal.

I currently (May 2009) do not plan on following up on hormones or surgery, but understand me when I call this a transition. If you wish to really understand why I call this a transition then I suggest you read this journal from beginning to end. My life is upsidedown compared to the past. I am FtM, but mostly the outside world reads me as F and I don't push it. My transition is slow and careful because I need it to be for my own mental health. After years of repressing my masculine nature and my desire for my gender to match my sex, I do not want to push so fast and so hard that I feel I can't turn back. I take things slowly.

So this is the gory journal of a FtM who doesn't plan on taking hormones or having surgery any time soon, who has a straight male partner who's trying to be part and parcel of this transition, and who also occasionally uses this journal to complain and say things he can't say elsewhere. I call it gory because this is not the journal I hold back on. It's my journal and yes I do have things to say here about my sex life and genitals and peeing. I talk about some of the props a FtM like myself is forced to use because nature did not choose to supple me with the basic equipment of a man. Basically, I am an adult and this journal includes adult things.

Although this is not my main journal it is no puppet to me. I am not ready to reveal my transgendered nature to my friends and others I barely know on the internet, and having a separate journal (rather than a separate filter) allows me to do this, whilst also being a member of relevant comms and having my transition up for others to read. Transfolk are few and far between, the internet has brought many of us together, but it's still an isolating experience. My experience and transition is far from over, but it's still here for others to read.
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