May. 26th, 2011

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Everytime I put my old name down, or sign that name, everytime I allow someone I know fairly well to call me my old name because they don't know better, everytime I walk into the women's loos at work - I feel like a fraud. I am not that person, and I am not a woman, and to keep passing myself off as one feels wrong.

I had my one-to-one with my manager today. And explained that with everything on my plate right now I'm not ready to make the shift at work. Each day at a time. But I think this is one of those niggly feelings that could swiftly change into a shadow over my life. I think I need to prepare to start being completely and utterly full time. One step leads to another . . .

First clinic appointment tomorrow. Reading the blog on the guardian website about Juliet's first clinic appointment (albeit a different clinic) I get the feeling that it's going to be rather anti-climatic. I'm expecting to have to relay my whole history, one I feel I am moving on from, and explain the steps that I've taken so far, end up feeling like shit, and then having to return to work. Ho hum. I'll just carry on with my transition and hopefully hormones and chest surgery will happen whilst I'm still this side of 30 (I'm 27). I know a guy who started hormones last autumn and he's waiting for his second opinion appointment about his chest surgery.

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meegosh

July 2011

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